


Tremble

by SkyFireForever



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Consent Issues, Gray-Asexual Toy Soldier, Gray-Asexuality, Love, Multi, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Polyamory, The Toy Soldier Deserves Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26706664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyFireForever/pseuds/SkyFireForever
Summary: “I am a soldier, I don’t believe in anything.”-The Soldier & Rose from Ghost QuartetToys don’t have feelings. Soldiers don’t have boundaries. Until they do.
Relationships: The Mechanisms Ensemble/The Mechanisms Ensemble, The Toy Soldier/The Mechanisms Ensemble
Comments: 49
Kudos: 80





	1. Do You Believe In Love?

The Toy Soldier was just a toy and just a soldier. It was made completely of wood. It didn’t even have a heart or a brain or anything that was capable of feeling emotion. The Toy Soldier felt nothing, was incapable of feeling. 

Or so it believed. 

So everyone believed. 

When it first joined the Mechanisms, it was just happy to be included. It had almost forgotten all that it had been through before it joined the crew. It no longer thought of the widow or the Angel or the army or the words that it couldn’t understand. 

No, it only thought of singing and playing instruments and travelling throughout the cosmos to find new and exciting stories to share with the universe. The old pain that ached in its chest was long gone. It had no reason to worry about such things as the past. 

At first, the other crew members didn’t seem to like it much. They entertained themselves by giving it orders that it wouldn’t refuse, by shooting at it, or in the first mate’s case, by shoving it out of an airlock. It didn’t mind, though! The distaste was far easier to deal with than the people of the Soldier’s past. The people who cared for it, who were gone now. 

But as time went on, the crew stopped being so outwardly cruel. They stopped giving it so many orders, started asking for things instead. They started including it more in group activities. Some even began to show it something akin to affection.

The Toy Soldier was always careful to respond in just the way it thought that the crew members would appreciate. It complimented them often, especially their hair and appearance. Just like the widow had taught it to. 

The first time  _ it  _ was complimented was a surprising event indeed. 

It had just finished baking a batch of biscuits when Brian walked in. It looked up, its smile painted upon its wooden face. 

“Tally-ho, Brian!” It greeted, tipping its hat in his direction. “I Have Made Biscuits If You Would Like One!” 

“Oh, thank you.” Brain took one of the biscuits and bit into it, not seeming to mind how hot it was. “Mm. This is good.” 

“I Am Glad You Think So, Mr. Drumbot!” It saluted. 

Brian smiled at it with an expression that might have been fondness. “You’re a talented cook.” He told it. “Your pastries are always wonderful.” 

It was taken aback by his words. “Why, Thank You, Mr. Drumbot!” It said after the briefest of hesitations. It hadn’t expected a compliment of any sort. “I Simply Follow The Recipes!” 

“Well, you do so well.” Brian shrugged, finishing off the biscuit. “Keep up the good work.” 

“Will Do!” It saluted again as Brian left the room. 

After that, compliments just kept coming. 

Tim complimented it on its marksmanship. Ashes complimented it on its work ethic. Marius complimented it on its hugs. Raphaella complimented it on its sentience. Ivy complimented it on its memory. Even Nastya acknowledged that it was useful. 

The only member of the crew who never spared it a compliment was Jonny. But he shot at it less and stopped trying to throw it out of the airlock. 

The crew also became more affectionate in other ways. Marius gave it more hugs and kisses upon its cheek. Raphaella and Nastya asked it for assistance with experiments or repairs. Tim trained with it. Ashes spoke with it, just talking with it for hours at a time. Ivy told it about the books she was reading and even shared some of them with it. Brian would fix it up after it was injured. Even Jonny would lean against it or hold its hand at times. 

It was all very peculiar. 

One day (or night, it was hard to tell aboard the Aurora), it was cleaning one of Aurora’s windows in the living area, when the rest of the crew entered. 

“Toy Soldier?” Ashes asked. “Could you sit down a moment?” 

“Certainly, Mx. O’Reilly!” It said in its usual chipper tone, taking a seat on the sofa. 

“We’ve got something to ask you.” Tim said, glancing at the rest of the crew. 

“I Am Ready To Listen!” It put its hands in its lap, looking expectantly at the crew. 

“Well, you know how we’re all, well, you know.” Marius began. 

The Toy Soldier tilted its head to the side. “I Do Not Know.” 

“We’re in a relationship.” Brian said. “Not all of us with everyone, but for the most part, we’re romantically involved.” He explained. 

“Oh.” The Toy Soldier didn’t know that. It didn’t know that at all. But judging by the way they were talking about it, they had expected it to already know. 

“And we were wondering…” Raphaella began. 

“Look, do you want to join our relationship or not?” Jonny blurted. 

The Toy Soldier stared. “Join Your Relationship?” It echoed. “Whatever Do You Mean, Old Chap?” 

Jonny groaned. “I knew this wasn’t going to work.” 

“We wanted to know if you’d like to be romantically involved with us.” Ivy explained. “Not all of us if you don’t want. Not Nastya, she has an exclusive thing with Aurora, but the rest of us.” 

The Soldier didn’t know how to respond. “You Want Me To Be Romantic With You?” It wasn’t quite sure how to be romantic with anyone. It had never been romantic with anyone before, not really. It had been kissed and more by the widow, but somehow it felt as though that was different. 

“What Would That Entail?” It asked. 

“Regular relationship stuff.” Brian said. “Cuddling, hand-holding, dates, kissing. More if you want. But it’s completely up to you.” 

It considered. It hadn’t enjoyed being kissed by the widow. Not at all. But the crew members were looking at it so expectantly and it wanted them to be happy. 

“Being Romantic With Me Would Make You Happy?” It asked. 

“It would.” Ashes confirmed. “But only if it’s what you want.” 

It barely heard the second part of what they said. All it cared about was that being romantic with them would make them happy. It peered up. 

“I Will Do It!” 


	2. Becoming Bertie

Being romantic with the rest of the crew didn’t change much. At least not at first. There was more hand holding, more cuddles in bed or on the sofa, and more brushes of lips against the Toy Soldier’s wooden cheek. But apart from that, things remained mostly the same. 

No one kissed it or pressured it into doing anything. The Toy Soldier was honestly quite relieved by this. It wanted to make the crew happy, yes, but it didn’t like kisses. Or at least, it didn’t think it liked kisses. The kisses it had been given in the past felt wrong and invasive and it hadn’t wanted them. 

But that was in the past. The Soldier was content in its new romantic relationship for the time being. It seemed to make the rest of the crew happy and that was what was important. 

However, it began to think that it wasn’t making them as happy as it could when it walked into Tim’s room one day to find him gazing longingly at a picture. 

“Tally-ho, Tim!” It saluted its partner. “What Are You Looking At?” It asked, stepping closer. 

“Oh, nothing. Just an old picture.” There was something soft in Tim’s voice, a gentleness that the Toy Soldier rarely heard. He smiled a bit before showing the Soldier the picture.

It was a photograph of a young Tim with his arm thrown around another boy of roughly the same age. The two boys were grinning at the camera, looking happy and carefree. The Toy Soldier recognized the other boy in the picture as Tim’s old friend Bertie. He appeared softer and more kind than the soldier that the Toy Soldier had met, not yet damaged by war. 

The soldier that the Toy had met was battle-hardened and ferocious, but with only a compassionate heart. He never took delight in killing, but he would do whatever it took to stay alive and to keep his friends alive as well. He laughed easily and often, always making light of the bleak situation that surrounded him. 

And Tim missed him. 

It suddenly all made sense to the Toy Soldier. Why the crew had asked it to join their relationship. Why Tim was showing it this picture. 

The crew wanted replacements. 

Everyone in the crew had lost  _ someone  _ that was important to them. Someone whose loss they mourned. 

For Tim, it was Bertie. Tim wanted a replacement Bertie, someone who could behave just as Bertie had. It was just as the widow did with her dead fiance. The crew wanted the Toy Soldier to learn how to mimic those they had lost. 

With this newfound realization, the Toy Soldier beamed. It barely noticed the hint of disappointment that seeped through it as it recognized that the crew didn’t want it for itself. It was too happy knowing its purpose. 

“I See!” The Toy Soldier took the picture, memorizing Bertie’s outfit, his smile, the way his eyes lit up. “I Shall Be Back, Old Chap!” It returned the picture before turning and marching out of the door, leaving a very confused Tim in its wake. 

The next day, the Soldier was dressed in a completely different outfit. Its usual uniform was painted onto it, but it wore a turtleneck and suspenders, just as Bertie had in the picture it had been shown. 

In fact, its outfit was a perfect replica of Bertie’s from the picture. Everything about it was. It had painted its face so that its eyes were the same deep shade of brown while holding that spark that was in the eyes of Bertie. Its painted-on smile was exactly the same toothy grin that Bertie had flashed at the camera as well. 

As it stepped into the dining room, the heads of the rest of the Mechanisms rose. 

Tim spat out his tea, causing quite the mess. His face went slack and his jaw hung open and he seemed at a complete loss for words. The Soldier took this as a good sign. 

“Oh, TS. You look...different.” Ashes noted, holding a mug of warm coffee in their hands. 

“I certainly hope that’s a compliment.” The Soldier said and as soon as it spoke, the rest of the crew reacted strongly. 

Jonny choked on his waffles, Ashes appeared disturbed, Raphaella coughed, Ivy looked up from her book, Nastya dropped her fork, Brian gripped his drink so hard that it shattered, Marius spluttered on his water, and Tim continued staring with that slack-jawed look on his face. 

The Toy Soldier’s voice came out lower and rougher than usual and with a different inflection. It was so different than how it usually sounded. 

“It was merely an observation.” Ashes said once they had recovered. “Are you feeling alright?” 

“Never been better.” It responded. “Why are you all looking at me like that? Haven’t you ever seen a soldier before?” 

Tim suddenly rose to his feet, fury in his eyes. “What the hell is this?” He demanded. 

“What do you mean, Timmy Boy?” 

“ _ Don’t _ fucking call me that.” He snarled. “You don’t get to call me that.  _ No one  _ gets to call me that.” 

The Toy Soldier faltered for just a moment. Why did Tim seem so upset? It was behaving as Bertie would. Isn’t that what he wanted? 

“What’s got your knickers in a twist?” It asked and it would have raised an eyebrow if it could. 

“Stop.” Tim pulled out his gun, his hand shaking. “Shut the fuck up. What the  _ fuck  _ are you doing?” 

“Tim.” Ashes put a hand on his arm. “Don’t.” 

Tim didn’t look away from where he was glaring at the Soldier. “Get the fuck out.” 

The Toy Soldier stood still. “What’s the matter, Timmy? Don’t you want your old friend back?”

“You’re not him.” Tim spat. “You’ll  _ never  _ be him.”

It dawned on the Soldier what it was doing wrong. It hadn’t gotten everything perfect. It wasn’t acting enough like Bertie. It was doing something wrong. Its smile would have fallen if it weren’t painted on. It would just have to try harder. 

“Come on, Timmy. Don’t look so tense. Relax a little.” It tried. 

_ BANG  _

The Toy Soldier stumbled backward from the force of the gunshot. 

“Tim!” Ashes took the gun away from him. 

“Tim, you don’t shoot your partners!” Raphaella chastised. 

“Unless they’re Jonny.” Marius said. 

The Toy Soldier was confused. What had it done wrong? It had spent all of the previous night remembering how Bertie had acted. It had crafted the perfect outfit, had put on the perfect paint. It thought it was doing well. 

It looked at Tim, who stormed out of the room. 

It felt something akin to pain in its chest, but that hadn’t even been where it was shot. 

Nastya sighed. “Come with me. I’ll repair you.” She offered, taking the Soldier by the arm and leading it to another room. 

The Toy sat in silence, allowing Nastya to patch it up. It was a long while before it spoke, this time with its usual voice. 

“Do You Think I Wasn’t Acting Enough Like Bertie?” 

“I never knew Bertie.” Nastya said simply. “So I do not know.” 

“I Thought I Was Acting Like Him. I Remembered So Much Of His Mannerisms And His Behaviors From When I Knew Him.” 

Nastya was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think Tim wants you to act like Bertie.” 

“What?” The Toy Soldier looked at her. “Of Course He Does! That Is Why He Asked Me To Be Romantic With Him!” It insisted. “He Wanted A Replacement.” 

Nastya stilled and looked up at the Soldier. “No one wants a replacement of those they love, Toy Soldier.” She said. “A replacement is just a painful reminder.” 

“Oh.” This confused the Toy Soldier greatly. “Then Why Would He Ask To Be Romantic With Me?” 

“Because he likes you. He likes you for you.” 

But the Toy Soldier wasn’t itself. It had never  _ been  _ itself. It was simply what people wanted it to be. It was a toy that people could play with and project onto. Toys didn’t have personalities without those who played with them. 

“Well, That Doesn’t Make Any Sense.” 

Nastya shrugged. “You should probably get changed if you don’t want to get shot again.” She advised. 

The Toy Soldier did as it was suggested before walking into Tim’s room. “Tim?” 

The gunner looked up, a scowl on his face. “What do you want?” 

“I Came To Ask For Clarification.” It stepped further into the room. “You Reacted Negatively To Me Behaving As Bertie Did.” 

“Of course I did.” He snarled. “You’re not him.” 

“Would You Like Me To Try And Behave Closer To How He Did?” It asked. “Or Was The Appearance Off?” 

Tim stared at it before letting out a heavy sigh. “I don’t want you to act like him at all.”

“Oh.” 

“Bertie was...he was something special. No one could possibly replace him for me.” He looked away. “Nothing could ever replace him.” 

“I See.” The Toy Soldier stood in the doorway. “I Will Not Behave As Him In The Future.” 

“Just...act like yourself.” Tim said. “I just want you to be you.” 

But how was it supposed to do that when it had no sense of self? Everything that the Mechanisms thought it was was just what the widow had told it to be. Maybe it should just continue behaving as the widow’s fiancé had. Everyone seemed to like the widow’s fiancé. 

“Very Well, Mr. Tim! I Shall Behave As Myself!” 

It wasn’t a lie. Toys couldn’t lie. 

It was simply playing pretend. 


	3. Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please mind the warnings for this chapter! This chapter contains some really dubious consent as it concerns physical affection. Be aware!

Tim acted more aloof and separated from the Toy Soldier after the whole Bertie incident. He avoided it for quite awhile before seeming to realize that it wasn’t going to start behaving as Bertie did again. 

After that, things settled back into their idea of normalcy. They went on adventures, took notes, wrote songs, and had a good time together. The Toy Soldier was even included! 

It was happy with its crew. It was happy to be involved. It was happy with the hugs and the time spent with everyone. It was happy.

One night, when everyone was doing their own thing: Ivy reading away in her room, Raphaella holed up in her lab, and most everyone else sleeping, the Toy Soldier stood in the main living area aboard the Aurora. It didn’t move, simply standing there and doing nothing so it wouldn’t be in the way. 

Jonny entered the room and spotted the Soldier. “Oh, there you are.” He looked it up and down. “Why are you just standing there? It’s creepy.” 

“I Could Move If You’d Like!” It offered, its tone as chipper as it always was. It stepped forward, waving its arms around so as not to be creepy. 

A fond smile appeared on Jonny’s face. “There’s no need for that.” He rolled his eyes, but didn’t sound as exasperated as usual. “Come here.” It was gentle, but the Soldier still took it as an order. It approached him and allowed him to guide it to the sofa. 

The two of them sat as Jonny put on a movie. The Toy Soldier didn’t pay much attention to it, instead just appreciating how Jonny had his arm thrown over its shoulders, holding it close. It was nice, being so close to Jonny. He was warm and comforting. It could stay right there forever. 

Once the credits began to roll, Jonny stretched, removing his arm from around the Toy Soldier. 

“Alright. I think I’m going to head to bed.” He said. “Goodnight, Toy Soldier.” And suddenly he was leaning in, getting extremely close. And then his lips were pressed to the Toy Soldier’s painted-on ones. 

The Soldier remained completely still, but that wasn’t terribly unusual for it, so Jonny must not have sensed that anything was wrong. He held his lips against it for a long moment that seemed to stretch on for an eternity. If the Toy Soldier had a heart, it was sure that it would be beating wildly. 

As Jonny kissed it, all it could think about was the widow. It remembered how her lips were often chapped and dry. It remembered how her breath always smelled of mint or of tea. And then it remembered how she would pull away and chastise it for kissing her wrong.

So it tried to remember how she had instructed it to kiss. 

It slowly placed a hand on Jonny’s hip to pull him closer, its other hand coming up to cup his face. It pressed its face against Jonny’s as a sign of reciprocation. It couldn’t kiss well, had never gotten a handle on it before the widow had died. But it remembered a particular lesson she had given it. 

_ “No, no, no. Kiss like you mean it. Like you love me.” The widow had said. “You must kiss like I mean the world to you. You want to kiss every inch of me, want to treasure me.”  _

_ The Toy Soldier didn’t fully understand what she was asking, but it tried again. It pressed its painted face to the woman’s lips before moving to press its painted smile to her nose and her cheeks, peppering her face in kisses. _

_ She laughed, sounding more joyous than she had since they began these kissing lessons. “Yes! Yes, that’s it. Just like Charles used to.”  _

The Toy Soldier was pulled out of its memory by Jonny pulling away. 

“You’re not the best kisser, huh?” Jonny grinned, his tone teasing. “Oh well, you’ll get used to it.” He patted it on the back before standing up. “Goodnight.” He walked away. 

The Toy Soldier sat alone on the sofa, still staring at the empty space where Jonny had been. 

_ You’re not the best kisser, huh?  _

It would have to do better next time. 

Even as it felt a bit ill, it promised itself that it would do better next time.

The next time Jonny kissed it, it was prepared. 

The two of them were alone again and Jonny leaned in. It was the Toy Soldier who closed the gap this time. It put a hand on his hip and pulled him close, moving its head so that its painted lips pressed all over Jonny’s face. 

He stepped back, moving away from the Soldier’s exploring mouth. 

“What are you doing?”

“I Am Kissing You!” 

“But why are you kissing all over my face?” He frowned. “I was going for the lips.” 

“Oh.” Had it done something wrong? “Perhaps You Could Teach Me How To Kiss!” It suggested. If he didn’t like the way the widow had taught it, maybe he could teach it something new. 

Jonny considered for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He stepped close, one hand rising to cup the Toy Soldier’s face. He brought it closer before pressing his lips to its face. He pressed his lips firmly to its own before his tongue snaked out to lick at the wooden surface. 

The Toy Soldier stood very still, allowing Jonny to lick at its painted mouth. His tongue was wet and slimy and altogether quite unpleasant. It was unlike the widow’s kisses, but it was uncomfortable in an entirely different way. 

Jonny eventually pulled back. “Was that alright?” He searched its face. 

“Quite All Right, Old Chap!” It said in its chipper tone despite the crushing disgust that filled it. It didn’t want to be disgusted. Not with Jonny. 

He grinned. “Good.” 

“But I Can Not Kiss That Way!” It pointed out. “I Have No Tongue!” 

“Hm.” Jonny shrugged. “Just let it happen, then. You don’t have to do any of the work.” 

_ Just let it happen.  _

A distant memory of being in the City. Of hands touching everywhere. Of it lying down as hands explored every inch of its body. 

_ Relax. Just let it happen.  _

“Will Do, Mr. D’Ville!” 

It could do that. It could just let things happen. 

It could do whatever it was told. 


End file.
